I wasn’t born brave

A little confession about bravery

(Last night we celebrated Halloween by getting together with our boat neighbours to watch a horror movie. I had to retreat, as I just couldn’t do it. And because of the chicken I am, I thought it was fitting to share some thoughts on bravery.)

When people look at the life I chose to live (buying a rotten boat, rebuilding it and now living full-time aboard), one of the first assumptions they make about me is how brave I am.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the compliment. I think being brave is a wonderful thing.

But it’s time I confess:
I wasn’t born brave.

Let me explain.

The first time I went scuba diving, I almost gave up before the whole thing even started.

As I sat on the boat in my neoprene suit waiting for my turn, I decided to jump in the water to cool down. It was filled with jellyfish. They didn’t sting (maybe because of the suit) but just the idea of being surrounded by them was enough for me to lose control of my breath and let out a few desperate screams.

Then, when we finally went underwater, I realized something unexpected: I wasn’t scared of the depth or the breathing (that part felt quite natural actually), what terrified me was (drum roll🥁) the sea life.

Yep. I literally closed my eyes every time we got near a fish.

At one point, my instructor held a spider crab and offered it to me. I shook my head faster than I ever have in my life: NO THANKS!!!!

Knowing that fish terrified me should have been a good enough reason never to dive again, right? After all, the whole point of diving is to see them.

But deep down, I still wanted to. Even though they scared me, they also fascinated me. I wanted so badly to be the girl who dives and befriends fish... So I kept trying.

The second time I dived, I was still scared, but a little less. Then I decided to go for my Open Water training. And I’ll give my fear some credit: I was probably the diver who surfaced feeling the happiest every single time, because being near the things that scared me was also incredibly exciting.

When it was time to become an Advanced Diver, that came with the challenge of night diving.
I said I didn’t think it was for me (I’m scared of the dark even on land, lol).

During my first night dive, I had to repeat to myself:

“Whatever the flashlight points at exists. The rest of the darkness doesn’t.”

That silly little trick got me through the dive. And by the end, I was shocked at how the same place could look completely different at night, and now I love it.

Step by step, I was overcoming those little challenges and doing everything I had to do to finally become an instructor, who, guess what? Is not scared of fish anymore.

But if you read my manta encounter story, you know I wasn’t exactly keen about deep diving with bull sharks.

And when I went diving in Iceland, I wrote a farewell letter to my parents… just in case. But I went anyway.

Fear has always been there. But so has the choice to do it regardless.

And that’s not just with diving, it’s been like that throughout so many aspects of my life: when I travelled alone for the first time, or when I first started driving, or rebuilding the boat, or putting our story out there for the world to see, or even now when I moved aboard Yabá and everything was new. I cannot say fear hasn’t been there.

My point is: I’m not naturally brave.
Quite the opposite, actually.
But I chose not to let my fears stop me.

And maybe that’s what we should look for after all; not fearlessness, but deciding that what we want is worth feeling afraid for.

So I force myself to be brave (or at least pretend to be), again and again, because I know what’s on the other side of fear: life as I dream it.

And little by little, that’s how I’ve built this version of myself, not born brave, but becoming brave, one trembling decision at a time.

Every time, fear was there. And every time, I did it anyway.

Maybe courage isn’t something you’re born with. Maybe it’s more like something that grows quietly in the background, one small act at a time. You earn it by not letting fear have the final word.

So if you ever look at someone’s life and think “I wish I was brave enough to do that”, maybe you already are. Maybe you just have to start, even if scared, unsure or unready, and watch courage bloom from there.

Our lives should be built around our dreams (+ values, aspirations, beliefs, etc), not our fears. And if you’re not doing something that could bring you closer to becoming a fuller version of yourself because you’re frightened, please, listen to me instead of listening to that fear.

Because if life happens to you anything like it did to me, you don’t have to be brave to begin.
You just have to begin.
And I truly believe bravery will meet you along the way.

MP ◡̈

(I thought it was a good idea to end the letter with this photo of me steering Yabá a few days ago while Ben wasn’t even supervising. Another fear that just got its butt kicked.)

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